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Dec. 9th, 2019 05:45 pmThinking of you. Hoping you're well. Sorry I can't tell you that directly myself. But I don't like the me that hurts you. And I don't know if I'm in a place to not be that me. I don't know if I ever will be. But know that I would never wish you ill. It's just that I don't know what to do with the pain. You think it goes away, siphoned out of you little by little with time, when the memories don't really hurt anymore, but in truth it's shifted out of sight, going dormant, waiting to pounce not through the past but onto the present. It's not your fault, that I can't get over it, that's all me. But I still remember. I remember.
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Oct. 26th, 2019 04:29 pm Gentleman Jack and Portrait of a Lady on Fire really both came out this year--in the same year!--and made me feel like I wanted to fall in love by being utterly lush and profoundly romantic and with production values so sky high my aesthete heart wanted to just forever wallow in the pure visual delight spread out on the screen. What unexpected gifts.
There were parts of each that made my heart ache--with pain and elation, echoes and reverberations, Portrait especially given that it's as much about the memory of love as it is about desire and romance and, honestly now that I think about, making human connection--but those aches felt exquisite to feel and being brought back into those spaces wasn't as devastating as I feared it might be.
In fact, I'm not sure why Portrait didn't make me cry (while Gentleman Jack hit a point where it was making me cry like once an episode because of the gay angst), at least not the part I thought would make me cry: the ending. There were other parts in which I felt moved close to tears, but, strangely, not necessarily because of the love story in the film itself but in the way I could feel Celine Sciamma's love for women and the optimism and hope she has. But not the ending... it worried me a little, since someone I didn't expect to cry was moved to tears and others told me the same. I was like: am I dead inside? But I do know that I was also really in my head and so hyped and happy that the film had delivered what I had hoped it would deliver, that the whole package was wonderful and that I would probably need to devour it again. So very few films make me feel that way, where being able to see it only once felt like an affront.
In fact, discovering small l*aked clips reminded me to what heights of romanticism and sweetness and softness the scenes between Marianne and Heloise reached. Like HOT DAMN, Celine Sciamma and Adele Haenel and Noemie Merlant, can y'all stop killing me with those shared smiles and laughter and all the looking at one another? Gosh, I think if I had realized how truly friggin' cute the film is in the time that Marianne and Heloise have with one another, I would have truly spent the duration of the film internally screaming. That they chose happiness in that time instead of fearing the moment they'd be separated. That they chose to remember the good instead of regret that they'd dared knowing that there could only be one outcome.
I can't stop thinking about their fight, though. How Heloise asked Marianne if Marianne was asking her to resist the marriage that will tie Heloise to another and Marianne simply says, "No." And that's it. Nothing else can be said to that. No chance at compromise or considerations of alternatives can be built on that. It hurt, in the theater, watching it, because so many parts of me just wanted them to be together because it's so obvious how much they enjoy each other.
But sometimes it's like that, isn't it. One doesn't want to ask for more. Maybe one can't ask for more. And, in turn, if one party can't come halfway, the other party can't make a counter-suggestion.
But at least they had each other when they could, the film says.
"Don't regret, remember."
And move on...?
But I don't want Marianne and Heloise to move on, I want them to have a reunion, damn you, Celine! I don't know if I would ever feel ready, either. It's funny because a part of me kept wondering why Marianne and Heloise didn't at least keep in touch or reestablish connection via letters, even if they had to give themselves a grace period because everything was too raw and painful in the immediate aftermath, but it's also like... yes, I do know that that could foster resentment if separation really is the only reality. (But none of us are going to judge you if you had an extramarital affair with one another, ladies, we know that Heloise got a raw deal!! XD) Celine Sciamma said that she leaves room for the audience in her movies, in that in this case to watch the love story on the screen is to make us think of our own love stories, and I'm not sure if I should say "Thank you" with sincerity or "Thanks a lot" with heavy sarcasm to that.
(In wonderful news, though, Portrait of a Lady on Fire and Gentleman Jack weren't the only luscious lesbian period dramas this year. But Vita & Virginia didn't live up to the standard of either of those [which is an incredible thing to be able to say!, though not so surprising given the lack of accuracy in the height and age differences between the women] and I completely missed my opportunity to go see Wild Nights with Emily in theaters, a circumstance I now bitterly regret because I can't find it on any streaming platform or on DVD and it's killing me. I cannot wait to have Portrait of a Lady on Fire on DVD, though, so I can observe every tense second and watch how masterfully Celine Sciamma sowed the subtext. So good.)
There were parts of each that made my heart ache--with pain and elation, echoes and reverberations, Portrait especially given that it's as much about the memory of love as it is about desire and romance and, honestly now that I think about, making human connection--but those aches felt exquisite to feel and being brought back into those spaces wasn't as devastating as I feared it might be.
In fact, I'm not sure why Portrait didn't make me cry (while Gentleman Jack hit a point where it was making me cry like once an episode because of the gay angst), at least not the part I thought would make me cry: the ending. There were other parts in which I felt moved close to tears, but, strangely, not necessarily because of the love story in the film itself but in the way I could feel Celine Sciamma's love for women and the optimism and hope she has. But not the ending... it worried me a little, since someone I didn't expect to cry was moved to tears and others told me the same. I was like: am I dead inside? But I do know that I was also really in my head and so hyped and happy that the film had delivered what I had hoped it would deliver, that the whole package was wonderful and that I would probably need to devour it again. So very few films make me feel that way, where being able to see it only once felt like an affront.
In fact, discovering small l*aked clips reminded me to what heights of romanticism and sweetness and softness the scenes between Marianne and Heloise reached. Like HOT DAMN, Celine Sciamma and Adele Haenel and Noemie Merlant, can y'all stop killing me with those shared smiles and laughter and all the looking at one another? Gosh, I think if I had realized how truly friggin' cute the film is in the time that Marianne and Heloise have with one another, I would have truly spent the duration of the film internally screaming. That they chose happiness in that time instead of fearing the moment they'd be separated. That they chose to remember the good instead of regret that they'd dared knowing that there could only be one outcome.
I can't stop thinking about their fight, though. How Heloise asked Marianne if Marianne was asking her to resist the marriage that will tie Heloise to another and Marianne simply says, "No." And that's it. Nothing else can be said to that. No chance at compromise or considerations of alternatives can be built on that. It hurt, in the theater, watching it, because so many parts of me just wanted them to be together because it's so obvious how much they enjoy each other.
But sometimes it's like that, isn't it. One doesn't want to ask for more. Maybe one can't ask for more. And, in turn, if one party can't come halfway, the other party can't make a counter-suggestion.
But at least they had each other when they could, the film says.
"Don't regret, remember."
And move on...?
But I don't want Marianne and Heloise to move on, I want them to have a reunion, damn you, Celine! I don't know if I would ever feel ready, either. It's funny because a part of me kept wondering why Marianne and Heloise didn't at least keep in touch or reestablish connection via letters, even if they had to give themselves a grace period because everything was too raw and painful in the immediate aftermath, but it's also like... yes, I do know that that could foster resentment if separation really is the only reality. (But none of us are going to judge you if you had an extramarital affair with one another, ladies, we know that Heloise got a raw deal!! XD) Celine Sciamma said that she leaves room for the audience in her movies, in that in this case to watch the love story on the screen is to make us think of our own love stories, and I'm not sure if I should say "Thank you" with sincerity or "Thanks a lot" with heavy sarcasm to that.
(In wonderful news, though, Portrait of a Lady on Fire and Gentleman Jack weren't the only luscious lesbian period dramas this year. But Vita & Virginia didn't live up to the standard of either of those [which is an incredible thing to be able to say!, though not so surprising given the lack of accuracy in the height and age differences between the women] and I completely missed my opportunity to go see Wild Nights with Emily in theaters, a circumstance I now bitterly regret because I can't find it on any streaming platform or on DVD and it's killing me. I cannot wait to have Portrait of a Lady on Fire on DVD, though, so I can observe every tense second and watch how masterfully Celine Sciamma sowed the subtext. So good.)
(no subject)
Jan. 22nd, 2018 03:55 pmCan I tell you about a show I just watched? Halt and Catch Fire. I skipped Season 1, though. The critics said it was a different show, a better show, starting from the second season, so even though I tend to be a completionist about these things, I took their advice.
I'm glad I listened. It's a beautiful show with a lot of strengths to recommend it, with a sense of humanity at its center that bleeds hearts into the characters. I loved the soft, little beats between the cast that gave their dynamics depth and color, the "show, don't tell quality" in the depiction of small details, the cinematography, the superb performances from the core cast (Lee Pace, Scoot McNairy, MacKenzie Davis, Kerry Bishe, Toby Huss), the nostalgia and the retrospective look at the 80s and 90s. I came to the show because everywhere I read that it had become the story of two women--two friends, two business partners--and all the trials, tribulations, tumult, cooperation, and division therein.
( Read more... )
I'm glad I listened. It's a beautiful show with a lot of strengths to recommend it, with a sense of humanity at its center that bleeds hearts into the characters. I loved the soft, little beats between the cast that gave their dynamics depth and color, the "show, don't tell quality" in the depiction of small details, the cinematography, the superb performances from the core cast (Lee Pace, Scoot McNairy, MacKenzie Davis, Kerry Bishe, Toby Huss), the nostalgia and the retrospective look at the 80s and 90s. I came to the show because everywhere I read that it had become the story of two women--two friends, two business partners--and all the trials, tribulations, tumult, cooperation, and division therein.
( Read more... )
"Here you are," Delphine said, pushing the glass sliding door closed behind her.
Shay turned to her with a smile. "Just enjoying the view."
( Read more... )
Shay turned to her with a smile. "Just enjoying the view."
( Read more... )
NYC Eatening 2017
Jun. 20th, 2017 01:55 pmVery sad to note that DW doesn't allow me to upload photos of the tastiness! But here is a rundown of the eating that happened:
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Shay - Delphine AU Announcement
Feb. 3rd, 2017 10:12 amThe Shay-Delphine AU has been ported to AO3 in its entirety under the title "except in this form in which I am not nor are you" and will continue to update on AO3 from this point forward. There will be no more posts in this space.
Read the latest (and new!) chapter here.
Note: The porting process did not correspond directly. Though the last update here on livejournal was Part 26, Part 26 translated into Chapter 28 in the move. Chapter 29 is the direct follow-up to what transpired in "Part 26" and if you followed updates here, you have not missed any chapters.
Edits were made to the previous parts but ended up being mostly aesthetic.
Updates, when available, will continue to fall on Fridays.
Thank you for reading. :)
Read the latest (and new!) chapter here.
Note: The porting process did not correspond directly. Though the last update here on livejournal was Part 26, Part 26 translated into Chapter 28 in the move. Chapter 29 is the direct follow-up to what transpired in "Part 26" and if you followed updates here, you have not missed any chapters.
Edits were made to the previous parts but ended up being mostly aesthetic.
Updates, when available, will continue to fall on Fridays.
Thank you for reading. :)